我願守護你一生一世

2010-12-12T03:29:00.002+08:00

Never knew after jasline there another girl that can make me love her with all my heart.

Most interesting part is that whatever she say i try my best to fulfilled in order to let her feel that i had changed from my old ways and i am serious in being with her.

It had been a very long time since mum actually talk to my so called gf that i had brought home.

Somehow my current gf is able to let my mum open up to her.

Mum seem to be please with her for taking great care of home n me while she was away.

I am determine to prove to mum n her that i treasure them n is willingly to mend my ways.

I had been a great disappointment to friends n family, dont know what i had got into me.

A wonderful family that i had once had let me single-handedly spoil n break it up.

Cause of me mum began to believe in Jesus .

She hope that her belief could n will cleanse my heart.

The other day when mum told me that my darling josh ask why is uncle is staying alone? Why uncle never came n eat birthday cake.

U know when i heard it my heart sank to the lowest point,even right now while writing this tear uncontrollably roll down.

My niece whom is going to be 2 month old soon i guess i only had seen her about less then 5 times.

It really break my heart!!!!!! I know i had done wrong but even i mend my way, i could not save back the lost time that i had with them!!!

At times i really feel that if i end my life everything will be alright.

Yes i am selfish i think of escaping everything.

I am really too stress out , i cant handle it.

I know this time for sure i could mend my ways with the support from my mum n gf.

I really hope someone could really care of my feelings at time.

Yes i had done wrong but should u all give me the death sentence?

Even my gf though she trust that i would change but the things that i get from her is always negative. " wait till u really changed then we talk about really being together n starting a family together"

Why cant she just give me all the support that i need?

Since believe why not give me the full support? Rather then keeping some doubts.

You all want me to change but can you all also give me the encouragement i need?

Why cant you all understand the immense pressure i am having right now, though i deserve it but why cant just support n believe in me since u all want me to change n is serious of being together.

Teerak you wan freedom, yes u could have all the freedom u want.

But spare a thought for me too.

Yes u got many choices, alot of guys want to love and take care of u.

They are all far richer then me, more handsome then me.

But remember the one that u gave chance to is me but not them.

Since u want to try to be with me n had gave me chance.

Why cant u just fully support me? Rather then always tell me alot of people is waiting for u all those things.

Remember there is always a reason why u gave me chance n not to the other guy.

You tell me not to be jealous n always remember who your heart u had given.

Yes i know but since u say u had give it to me.. why u want tell me there this guy n that guy.

I am just a normal human, a normal guy.

I had feelings too!!!!!!! Think if you are me can u or would u handle it more better them me.

Can i go out with other girls?

I trust u Teerak but i dont trust the guys!!!

YOu think if really a guy want to force on you, u think u can still say u can take care of yourself.

Guy forever will be stronger n bigger size then girls.

After all your still a girl........

I am really happy that u had shown me love n had take great effort in taking care of me n my house.

I really hope that after i had prove to u n mum i had change, Your still by my side!!!!!!!

I am really very very tired...... i had been stupid alot of times n always believe in the girls that i had love.

Alot make use of me i trust u wont.

As you also show me the difference between you and the girls that i had been with.........

If u believe n trust me, for sure i will make you be the happiest girl in this world.

I dare not say i could give u the world but at least i am sure i could give u a happy family, a car n a nice house.

That i could promise u............

Please support me through just like u tell mama dont give up on me........

I hope that you will be with me till the end of our life ............till the end of time

It had been very long since i last posted

2010-11-17T15:24:00.002+08:00

Alot of things happen n i am the main cause of it.

I really dont know how to face it or carry on anymore.

Friends when we are well to do we have alot around us.

But when i am down n out it seem that very little of them around.

I had a happy family i got with a lovely n understanding mother.

But because of my stupidness i single handely spoil everything.

Seriously i find no meaning in life anymore.

I am left alone in this house......

I feel so empty i dont know what to do.

Tear had run dry n heart is dying....

I hope i could start anew but chances are slim....

2010-01-18T20:06:00.002+08:00

Life is still the same.
The emptiness in me is growing.
If i could turn back the hands of time, i promise myself i will never commit the same mistake.
When will i reach the other end of the tunnel?
Why is the passage so dark so empty?

2009-09-26T22:09:00.001+08:00

I hate weekends!!!!!!!!!
In the past i always look forward to it cause i get to be with her.
But now weekends is just dreadful, i hate it.
I am left all alone!!

2009-09-22T00:43:00.002+08:00

Life is cruel!!
Is there a way to erase memories?
Actually sometime i picture her with another guy already.
I really cant imagine if there a day i actually saw her with another person.
Actually i should be happy that she could find be happy.
But i really still do miss her.
Oh God help me Help me pls........

2009-09-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

What the true way to live a life?
I really forgot about how to live and to go through the agony everyday.
Right now my life is all about work n work.
But that how life should be anyway.
I really miss her as my soulmate.
Nxt week is her birthday, seriously i really hope i could at least wish her a happy birthday.
Hemm n really worried bout Miss Y.
Hope she will be okay and strong in carrying on her life..
I believe she can do it de cause she is a very strong gal..

Me haha is just a robot program to work n work that all.
Gradually i am losing my sense to feel already...
I really need someone by my side and i really hope it her.
Saw a drama recently even after yrs being apart fate brought them back again but it just a show anyway.
I dont believe it will happen to me.. i am nt that lucky

2009-08-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

I had tried many times to move on and forget bout U.
My guess is u might already had long forgotten bout the times n past we had been through together.
Nothing can change the fact that u had already left me.
I know at times u read my blog and thought i had move on.

I myself thought i could move on but i dont understand why.
Everytimes i tried i failed also, maybe is the thought of u left me make me feel very insecure.
Maybe deep in me u nvr left me, or should i say i still cant accept the fact that u had already left me.
After u left i tried 2 R/s but all end very shortly.
Maybe it is me that still can untie the knob in my heart.

But what i can say is i really had put my heart into every R/s that i had tried.
And i love everyone of them but it a fact that i had never stop loving u or forget bout u too.
Ultimately what i can say now is that i still love U.

If i can turn back the hands of times i will never had let u slip away from u.
The time when u left me u said cause i am not attentive enough to u and that u feel insecure cause i dont hold a stable job.
At times it is not that i dont wanna work in the past.
It is just that i cant find a job that i feel is suitable for me and another part of it is that i am never lack of money so it lead me to think job is not important to me at all.
Cause whenever i am out of cash all i need to do was just ask.

From the time u left me it really wake me up.
No gal want to be with a guy that cant give her security n assurance of a good or decent life.
After 2 years u had left me nothing had really change.
The only thing that had change is that i have a decent job and is earning a very steady and decent amount.
But does it matter anymore No.
Nothing matter now cause your no longer with me anymore.

I know U try every means now to block me out from your life.
I know i could easily get your number but i dont want to do that.
I know i could always go to your house but i know u too well, u will only avoid going home or act not at home.
I dont want to bother your family also and let myself be a nusiance to U.

U know the diamond earring that i had gave u is the vouch on how true my love is for u.
My love for u last like the diamonds.
Now i only hope when u wear those earring it will still bring back the memories of Me to U.

After the last so call R/S i had i can say that after U n her.
I dont think i will seriously love anyone anymore.
Cause i finally understand the fact is to be love is better to love someone.

By the way how is U and how is jethro?
If not wrong by 4th of Oct he should be 5 yrs old already.
I wish and pray that U n jethro will live without worries and always be happy.

And Miss Y, it true that i had really love U but it did not when well.
My wishes to U, always stay happy and think postive.
And wish U n ur family be always in good health :)

This might be my very last entry.
I am really had think alots these few days.
I am really stressful now, i dont know how much longer i can hang on.........

Work had been hetic but at least it is meaningful and the tiredness sometime let me stop thinking of all my worries

2009-08-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

Memories are always left deep in my heart.
I will never forget those memories that u had left me before.
I still love U.
My love for U will never be replace.
I might love again but the fact is ur still irreplacable.
Human minds do change dear but mine love for u had never change.
I know it too late already and U had move on but I just cant simply forget the love U had once gave me n the times spent together.
I love U

Working life had been hetic and meaningless but for the sake of money, i will endure.
I do really hope i can turn back the hands of time.
I won't let u slip away from my life like i did before.

2009-07-18T17:24:00.002+08:00

Yeah
That what u always say:
"If you want to think that way, i cant stop you also"

Precisely that is what i hate.
Will you treat me that way in the past?
Whatever le lor, if u wan carry on treat me that way .
I will just accept it gracefully!!

Your tired of all this crap and frankly speaking i am tired of all this too.
If you wan me to leave u alone n have peace.
Please do speak up and tell me.

Thanks for the past for bringing me laughter and you really brighten up my gloomy days.

Thank You darling :)

2009-07-05T19:01:00.001+08:00

Everytime the sun goes down, my mood follows.
Darling stop tormenting me!!!
I need you i love U

2009-07-05T12:58:00.002+08:00

Sincerely hope we can work thing out.
Rather then u ignoring me and beginning to distance away from me further n further away.
In the past at least we can share the worries and problem together n talk bout it.
But now it more like ignoring and silence.
I hate that feeling, i simply hate it!!!

Keeping all of it to yourself, i don't think it make u any happier.
I know u prefer to handle things yourself and don't wish to burden anyone.
Haiss just hope i am able to share your worries and happiness.

Times with you was wonderful be it at times we are squabbling :)
At least those are true emotions.
Learn to accept and learn to adapt.
Time can make people grow closer and for people to distance away.

What your choice?
I might not be the one that is eventually be with U.
But at the very least we had try our best and not give up so easily.

Duration cant determine how much a person love someone.
But it can really prove how important your to me and how much i love U
I miss your hug n kisses, your care and concerns, your daily greetings.

In the past where ever u go at the least you will tell me.
But right now u will just say your busy that all or just simply ignore me.
Things really had changed and i hope that we can still be the same like in the past.

Always waiting for u
Always loving u
Always missing u
I love U darling muacksssss :)

2009-07-04T23:49:00.001+08:00

I fell in love with you,
Just how long has it been since then?
My feelings have only been getting stronger,
I wonder,
Have you realised how I feel?
It's like snowflake drifting gently,
Continuing to pile up higher and higher.

Hold me tight,
If this is how it feels,
The feeling of falling in love with someone,
I never want to know that feeling,
I love you,
I can't stop my tears from falling.

In that case,
Then you should never come into my life,
I wonder how long will I keep thinking about you?

My breath is fogging up the glass window,
My trembling heart is next to the lit candle,
And melting now,
I wonder will it survive?

Hold me tight,
So tight that I might break,
So that when we meet in the frigid gate of a blizzard,
It won't be cold anymore.

I miss you,
I think of you so far away,
With this hand-knit muffler I'm here alone,
Holding myself tonight.

If the snow keeps on falling forever,
Will it cover up my feeling for you?

Hold me tight,
If this is how it feels,
The feeling of falling in love with someone,
I never wanted to know that feeling.

I love you,
It's filling up in my heart,
I want to shout to the winter sky,
I want to meet you right now.

No matter how long it take for u to reliease that i am deeply in love with u n i cant lose U.

I will still wait!!

I believe there will be a day that i will melt ur heart with my sencirity.

Pls use ur heart to feel my soul , then only u will know how much u mean to me.

And how much pain i am in now.

Open yourself up use ur heart to feel, only then u will be able to find the feeling that u once had for me.

I love U dear, i really do.

Words cant explain how i feel but i think this the only place that i can voice out my feelings for U.

Remember that was once i told u to hold my hands n walk with me till the rest of our lives?

I promise i will love U with all my heart, n take care of for the rest of my life.

Your the one that i ever one.

Your had unknowningly became part of my heart n soul..

I Love U forever

2009-07-02T20:43:00.003+08:00

Everything just go blank now.
I lost my source of energy to move on and fight on!!

In my heart i know i am losing her, but i know i just had to try my best.
Problems are human incur and there always solutions for any problems.
It is just the person involve want to compromise and try to deal with it or not.

It take a moment to fall in love but it take a lifetime to forget about it.
Maybe i am just not suitable for any serious kind of relationships.

Is it really worth to give up everything, have u really thought bout it?
It not easy that it happen,since start why not just see if it will work.
I really die at no peace,just started and it gonna end.

Love cant put food on the table, nor without working thing out is the solutions.

My world had collapse!! Everything is back to none!! No matter what I will still love u. Always there for u

2009-07-02T03:47:00.001+08:00

2009-06-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

Sighzz
More n more tired of this stupid job.
Workload increase but pay still same.
A bit of overtime will hear ppl nag like as though i am getting a large pay package.
Fuck It!!!

Lesser n lesser time to even talk to her.
Nothing progress, sometime i am wondering what am i to her?
If only there was an answer?
Matter of heart is a real big headache.

Sometime i really cant understand why is it so difficult for 2 person to be truthful to each other.
Or avoiding is a better choice?
Or is it whenever things that concern matter of heart, people tend to keep quiet then leave silently?

Sometime i really hope i can sleep n will never wake up again.
Or better still i met with a accident then end my life in a flash!!

2009-06-01T23:09:00.003+08:00

Damm i work till as though i am liek a fucking dog .
Damm fucking shag lately, don't even have mood to play game.

Recently really have less n less time to talk to her.
Either she is busy or i am busy.
I hate this feeling but i think we are drifting more n more apart.

I don't even know what n who i am to her.
Can someone tell me?
What our relationship?

Just hope this July when the company reshuffle, i got a chance to change job.
Damm sian with current job.
I hope she will give me an answer soon but the future look bleak.

Fuck it!! I still pray that i encounter a fatal accident then i can start a new life all over again.

2009-05-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

I hate my life!
I really feel i wan give up on myself!
Really hope i can end this life and start all over again.
I miss her n love her i still do.

Fucking company, really hope i got a chance to change company.
Till i have a chance, i just have to endure.
Nothing goes right for me, work or relationship.
All just screw up.

Best i just involve in a major accident and die on the spot.
No need to think ever again.

2009-05-03T19:18:00.002+08:00

I think it is me that have a problem.

That why i am left alone n deserted.

Suddenly feel more and more isolated.

Lesser n lesser people to talk to anymore.

So it best i shut the fuck up from now on.

So as not to give ppl any problem or whatever.

2009-05-03T15:16:00.002+08:00

Why am i feeling jealous and unhappy?

Forget it , silence is better then making ppl sad together wif u!!

2009-05-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

Right now i got the same feeling i have when Jas left me.
Though i never had her but i don't know why i feel so alone right now.
I feel so empty within me.
What is wrong with me?

Don't know why am i sad, never had so why sad?
I feel so lost, i need comfort.
I need attention, i need love.
Maybe ever since Jas left me i am afraid to be alone.

I never knew actually other then Jas , she can really make me happy n sad at times.

But i just have to leave it to fate!!

Though i know love cant be force but seriously i cant help it at times.

I am afraid to be alone.

How i wish i can have someone to share my joy and sorrow.

But will i able to find that someone after Jas?

That i wont know!!

New job scope had been really stressful n tiring for me.

I hope i cant handle it.

At times i really feel like giving up.

As i really cant find a support in my life.

I don't know what i am striving hard for now.

I need to find motivation!!

I will never ever forget this 2 gal in my life,even though i might not be able to be wif them.

But i treasure every moment they spent their time with me.

Thanks.......

2009-04-30T23:02:00.002+08:00

Lost the direction in life.

Forgot the feeling of happiness.

Working for the sake of working.

Living is just to atone the sins that i had made.

Waiting for the time that everything end.

I dun dare to dream n hope anymore.

I am feeling lost.

Feeling miserable.

I need care

I need love

Like everyone

But it might never happen again.

Remember the past.

Treasure the present.

What about future?

Will i have a future?

She really affect my mood alot.

But i don't think she know how i really feel.........

2009-04-29T23:22:00.002+08:00

I miss her...

I need her....

I love her .....

But do she know?

It seem so near but yet so so far!!

Living in a dream that might never come true!!

Suddenly i feel so alone!!

How i wish everything end n then i no need to think anymore!!

Be glad that if i never wake up from my sleep..

Or just some idiot driver just bang me while i am driving on the road

Fatality seem nice!!!

Then i would ask myself :

Would you know my name

If i saw you in heaven

Would it be the same

If i saw you heaven....................

Fcking tired of my life

And tired after a long day wor

Nothing seem to work out

Other then a job that give not bad pay which is not bad at current economic

2009-04-26T18:59:00.002+08:00

Though i want to be always be by her side, but i know it hard.

Even till now i cant even hear a Yes from her.

So what more should i think?

If this is the way she want it to be, then so be it!!

I love her n i miss her but so what?

At times when she call me dear i am really happy.

But up till now she cant even confirm if she love me.

So what can i think?

How should i feel?

Work had been tiring but at least got a increment .

But damm sian la,drive n drive that stupid orchard area.

2009-04-01T20:45:00.003+08:00

Really feel so lost i don't know what to think or say anymore.

Sometime i really wonder what relationship is it btw Us!!

I love her company n enjoying interacting with her.

At times feel she is so close to me but i know she dare not commit and maybe won't even consider to commit to this so call relationship.

Really wonder if Miss 'Y' know how i feel for her.

She know i love her but it is like not progressing any further other then she know i love her that all.
Really hope we could go take a step further but it seem hard.

Ever since the last break off, seriously nothing goes well for me.

Though i have a not bad job now, but to me i am working for the sake of working that all.

I can't find joy in life, i don't know why.

Haiss my deepest regret is letting Jasline slip away from my life.

I miss her and i knw deep in there is still love.

But it all just in the heart that all,i know both of us are no longer possible anymore.

To me now i just hope all the best for her and i hope she is happy now that all .

2009-03-28T19:51:00.001+08:00

Haiss damm suay fever n flu for the past 3 days.
If she show me more care n Love :) everything will be nice

2009-02-26T01:57:00.002+08:00

Feeling Damn low low low!!

Life is nothing but a dream!!

Dream are meant to be left as a Dream, finally realize it .

I am in a mood to fck the asshole up, why the fuck U nvr post in my blog again !!

2009-02-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

I was wrong, very wrong!!

2009-02-22T23:48:00.002+08:00

Where n when can i find my Solace?

Awaiting a dream that might never come true!

A wish that might never be fulfill!

Too many negative thoughts!!

Too many craps to think n to ponder off!!

Haiss life is never going to be complete!!

2009-02-22T02:56:00.002+08:00

Don't understand why is there always bastards that like to invade ppl blog and talk cock.
I got no freedom to write what i wan for myself or did i ask idiot to look at my blog?

I already had a fucking stressful life and all i want is a place for me to drown my unhappiness!

Is it wrong?

Just get the fuck out of my blog if any motherfucker don't like what they say.

Learn something call privacy!!

God damn it lo, if i have the courage to end it will i have to be so stressful now?

Work is screw up, R/S is screw up....everything is screw!!

I just wan a peaceful life is it hard to ask for.

A partner to spend time with and to be happy with.

Work for something that is worth my time!!

But all seem damm hard!!!

Hate this fcking life

2009-02-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

Life is nothing but a dream !!

2009-02-12T21:55:00.001+08:00

Let me just end this pathetic life !!

And then all will be over !!

Just hope some unforeseen circumstance bring me away from all this !!

I will never Gain your Trust and Make u Believe!!

2009-02-11T00:58:00.001+08:00

Pathetic life !!

Pathetic Guy!!

No one care!!

No one love!!

Meant to be alone !!

Let Rot :)

2009-02-10T16:59:00.002+08:00

I Guess i have to be alone again on V'DAY.

I am damm tired of my life, anyone kind it enough to end it for me?

I don't know how only then she know that i am serious?

How i wish i had never came into this god damm world!!

Maybe it my fault that realtionships always go bad.

Funny thing i can never make the gal i love believe in me n have fate in me!

Maybe i am fated to be left alone.

HaHaHaHa

I hate my life.

I hate my job.

I hate everything that i had!

2009-02-09T00:15:00.003+08:00

One word to describe :
Dissapointed

Haha suprise to hear no difference in being together and current situation.

Now is meant what and being together mean what.

Being together is about commitment,love ,care and concern.

Now ? haha what ever bah, nothing end well for me anyway.

There was once i had hope but 1 left me, now the other isn't any better also!!

HaHaHa

2009-02-06T02:18:00.002+08:00

Even though i can't accept my failure.

But i understand that thing will not always be the way we want it to be.

I know there will be a time even i don't accpet my fate but i still have too.

That the way thing is and there nothing i can do too !!

No one will know how i am serious this time.

Even i don't want it slip away.

I still can't stop it!!!

2009-02-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

What am i gonna do?

I really lost my ability to handle things?

Every little words from her meant alot to me!!

But so what?

Do she care?

Fuck this life, i just hope i will have a better next life!

And i pray hard current life could end soon , as there nothing that is worth my time to stay back.

Really i wan start my life all over again .

2009-02-01T14:44:00.002+08:00

I think i found the "Right' one for me!
But it will nt be easy to get her to understand how i feel.
There too many things on her mind stopping us to be together.
This the first time i lost confidence in something.

I think other then Jasline this gal really make me go crazy of her.
No matter how long it take or how difficult it will be i will do what i can to make her realise how much she meant to me!!
Miss Y will i have the honour to spend the rest of your life with u?

I lost the gal i love 16mth ago, now i am not letting this gal to slip away from my life!!

Working life seem alright but still not enough to spend lol.
Waiting for a right chance to change working environment.

2009-01-28T14:23:00.002+08:00

I already the third day of CNY.
From this year on i hope to have a new lease of life!!
There no thinking back for me anymore.
I hope i can start afresh again.

I want a new life,
I want a new working environment,
I want a partner that really is true to me.

I know what i want and i will strive for it, no matter what the outcome will be!!
I had made many wrong move in the past and now there is no longer anytime for me to repeat my mistake.

Whatever it is this year i hope it the start of a new life for me.

2009-01-13T03:48:00.002+08:00

How i wish i could turn back the hands of time to 4 yrs back.
Everything was wonderful back then.
I miss the life i had back then but at the same time i hate it too.
If i could work as hard as i am working right now.
I think i would be a very happy guy!!

Though i know the fact is time wait for no one.
But i still wish i could go back to the past to make amends.
Memories are still fresh in my mind.

I could still feel
I could still smell
I remember every little thing clearly.
Everything that had happen and the places that i once love.
Memories is lock deeply forever in my n my old house.

No matter where,when or how.
I thanks god for the wonderful time that he had once brought to me.
Truth is harsh,reality is cruel.

I miss the old days
I miss everything that i once had
I can still pain for losing everything
I feel so lonely
I feel so sad